Krisanna Jeffery Men and Women: The battle of the sexes has been fought for
centuries. And it still seems to be alive and well. Both sexes frequently share with me,
their inability to understand the other. In particular, many women have difficulty
understanding, why many men don’t seem as interested in family or relational matters.
This one issue alone comes up time and time again and is the cause of great frustration
and power struggle in male-female relationships. As I see it, two things have to happen to break this power struggle. 1)
To begin with, both Men and women need
to learn about and accept their differences. To
do this topic justice requires a book. I recommend couples read: John Gray, “Men are
from Mars, Women Are From Venus” You can take your partner’s behavior much less
personally when you really understand that it is not just particular to them but to many
members of their sex. 2)
We can all seek to grow beyond our conditioned gender roles.
This will only serve to expand us as humans. We may be somewhat restricted by our biology
and conditioning, but we can work toward becoming more balanced in regard to our male and
female sides. While,
I believe we must be very careful not to over generalize about gender differences, there
does seem to be enough evidence to make some observations on this touchy matter. John Gray
says that “Martians (men) value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement. Their
sense of self is defined through their ability to achieve results.” He says “they
are more interested in “objects” and “things” rather than people and
feelings. And Martians pride themselves in doing things all by themselves.” Understanding where men are coming from
allows women to see why many men often react negatively to unsolicited advice, avoid
support groups and counselling, don’t tend to read self help books or be as concerned
about relational matters, and often like to “fix” other’s feelings.
However, just because men are conditioned this way does not mean they are powerless to
make changes which might work better for them.
As
for women, Gray says that “ they are concerned about living together in harmony,
community, and loving cooperation. Relationships are more important than work and
technology. To share their personal feelings is much more important than achieving goals
and success. Talking and relating to one another is a source of tremendous fulfillment.”
Understanding
where women are coming from allows men to see what kind of support women need and value.
For example, most women find that in men’s zeal to “fix” an uncomfortable
feeling, they will often offer solutions when their partner is upset. What most women want
at this time is simply for their partner to listen without judgement. While neither of Gray’s descriptions of gender behavior fits for all people, it seems true for the majority. If we hope to let go of power struggles in relationships we need to begin to accept these differences and push our own personal growth beyond our cultural gender conditioning. For more information, please contact Krisanna Jeffery at
Copyright © 2003 Krisanna Jeffery www.Krisanna.com |