The Positive Side of Sex after Fifty

            Have you noticed that aging is affecting your sex life? Let’s face it; it’s hard not to do so. Negative feelings about your aging body, pain, reduced desire, erection and lubrication challenges are all common aspects of aging and sexuality. But too often we get hung up on the challenges of aging and fail to recognize that there are also some definite positive aspects of mature sexuality. This article explores some of those benefits.

            Usually by the time we have hit fifty, we have more privacy for sex. With any luck, the kids have flown the coop and we have the house to ourselves again. No more sneaking away to have sex or having to dampen down the sounds of pleasure. You can have sex anytime you feel like it and anywhere in the house. What unprecedented freedom!

            Also, in the second part of our lives we are not usually as busy as we are during the hustle and bustle of our earlier years. Therefore, we have more time for leisurely sex that we have not had before. Many people report having more energy for sex (and all forms of pleasurable activity) when they have stopped spending all their energy on making a living or raising a family.

            For women, menopause brings the end of fear of getting pregnant. Letting go of that fear can be a major aphrodisiac because fear kills desire. We cannot be in our body to fully feel pleasure when we are in fear mode. This period of life might be the first time some women have been able to relax and enjoy sex. I have heard of many women having their first sexual awakening late in their lives.(70’s and 80’s) It’s never too late to allow more pleasure into our lives!

            Another benefit of sex over fifty is that by this time of our lives we have usually had lots of sexual experience and hopefully know what we like and what we don’t. We’ve had years of learning how to be assertive and ask for what we want. We discover that the flowing hormones of youth actually get in the way of sensitive love making. Instead, we hopefully have more insight, sensitivity and patience to meet our sexual goals. Life has provided insight not available to us in our younger years.

             Hopefully, as mature adults we have worked on curbing our ego to the point that our ways of relating are more honest and authentic than when we were younger, allowing for much more depth in sexual experience.

            So, mature sex has the greater potential of being great sex because of all these factors. There is always the opportunity to deepen our sexual expression and as we age the potential for this deepening actually increases. This can only happen when a new attitude towards sex develops which focuses on potential for pleasure instead of focusing on aspects of our sexuality that have been lost. Focusing on sexual potential instead of sexual challenges will be very useful in creating an extended and pleasurable sex life as we age. When it comes to your own sexuality, are you focusing on the challenges or the benefits of aging?